Healthy Food You'll Actually Fucking Eat

It was such a great day when I discovered Shannon. I can’t even remember how I came across her, but I don’t even care. In fact it adds NOTHING to the story.  All that matters is that I found her. And it was a discovery to end all discoveries. So you can put down your million-dollar equipment and your microscopes and your beakers because any discovery (cure for cancer, how to end global warming etc…) is obsolete.

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1.     Say things like “I’m exhausted” and “I’m so busy”. Make sure you use these phrases frequently so people KNOW that you are really fucking tired and busy.

2.     Don’t just DRINK coffee, put it in every orifice you can find. Stick it up your butt hole, inject it straight into your bloodstream, snort ground beans like a high-end model.

3.     Find sultanas EVERYWHERE.

4.     Spend 67% of yours days telling your kid that they’re fine. SPOILER ALERT: This is the essence of parenting. 

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