How I Got My Allergic-To-Sleep Daughter To Actually Sleep Through The Night

My daughter has always slept about as well as somebody who decides it’s a good idea to snort ten pounds of cocaine before bedtime. I’ve never really cared and it’s never particularly bothered me because I’m pretty sure this is how 90% of babies sleep (or don’t sleep). If your baby sleeps like a corpse than GOOD ON YOU AND YOUR UNICORN CHILD. You will probably learn NOTHING from this blog. But for the other eleventy-thousand parents out there with children who think sleep is for the dead, this is for you.

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MY PARENTING SKILLS ARE KIND OF SHITTY

I’m not an expert at parenting. Not even a little bit of an expert. I have one child under the age of two which means I barely even qualify as a parent. I’ve JUST snuck into the parenting world (literally by accident, although we just call her Maddie). When you first enter the world of parenting you turn up to ‘The Club’ with a box of Favourites and a cob loaf, beaming from ear to freaking ear like a loser because you don’t know that NOBODY FUCKING CARES YOU’RE HAVING A BABY LISA, BECAUSE WE HAVE SIX KIDS. DO BETTER.

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